For all the glamor associated with the vamping lifestyle, you’d be surprised at how challenging and somewhat boring that existence can be. It’s not very fun to spend every hour of daylight in a dirty old coffin. There are only so many hours even the sleepiest vampire can dose. Things are looking up, though. Since the emergence of the handheld Gameboy, the afterlife has become a little more exciting.

Ask any vamp who’s lived through the last thousand years and they’ll agree that it has been quite a turbulent time. Sure, first centuries were easy. With the black plague, the Huns invading Europe, and those fabulous crusades, no vampire went hungry. Soon enough though people started wising up, real doors were installed on huts around the world. Glass started to appear in windows. Soon, mirrors became standard in every household, giving the even those incognito vampires that passed as living visitors away. No longer could a charming incognito vampire get away with finagling their way into a ball to plan their next meal and arrange financial business with the unsuspecting living. With the additional onslaught of indoor lighting, times got lean. Luckily for vamps, they only had to wait a couple more centuries until the invention of the internet. Now they can make their fortune selling junk from their family vaults on Ebay. Vlad never dreamed that an old tea cup of his aunties will pay for a years’ worth of freshly donated blood and he doesn’t even need to leave his castle.

Now, when the vamps do venture out it’s purely for pleasure, wearing their luxurious red velvet, they troll nightclubs and swanky parties. When people see their pale complexion these days they only see a fashionable man who’s not afraid to put on a little powder. You’ll blend in with the modern vamp crowd in this sophisticated ensemble, just make sure you silk cravat is straight and be ready with some tips on how to get to the next level on Super Mario, technology is still a challenge for those thousand-year-old vamps.